And the winner is…Julia Rhodes!

Well, folks, I type this through a haze of last night’s bubbly. The Academy Awards ceremony itself, as well as the dresses, were hit-or-miss this year. Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin were good enough hosts–though Hugh Jackman nearly charmed the pants off me last year and I’ll hold others to that standard, thank you.

And now I shall commence with a bit of gloating. On Friday, William posted our Oscar wager. I beat William’s bets 19 to 11, though I was (thankfully) wrong about Best Picture. I gambled it all on The Hurt Locker (aside from the big kahuna, of course), and was rewarded. As William put it, “Whichever one of us avowed Oscar Enthusiasts picks the most winners gets to assign four writing assignments to the loser over the next two months, which must be completed promptly and without question.” Stay tuned to The Fourth Wall to hear what William’s assignments will be (picture me tenting my fingers with one eyebrow raised mischievously). In college I got to hold one of John Ford’s Oscars, and I think that’s as close to a statuette as I’ll ever be. But now you may envision me waving one over my head while weeping charmingly and thanking the entire universe and my parents.

Part of Jeff Bridges’ acceptance speech: I’m with you, Jeff.

Highlights aside from the actual awards:

~the John Hughes tribute, complete with Brat Pack reunion (plus Macaulay Culkin)
~Zoe Saldana wore purple sea sponges
~Dame Helen Mirren looked beyond gorgeous

Thanks to Jezebel and Someecards for this amazing ecard.

~a fantastic tribute to horror film
~Gabourey Sidibe christened her dress “the money shot” (and it was awesome)
~Christoph Waltz was g-d adorable
~Charlize Theron’s dress had built-in boob-grabs
~Mo’Nique’s speech was perfect
~the ever-slouchy-and-disheveled Kristen Stewart put some effort into it!

Zoe Saldana wearing the latest in sponge chic.

Finally: With Bigelow winning both Best Director (she is the first woman to win the award), and her film winning Best Picture (thank heaven), it was a very big night for women.

Here’s the round-up:

BEST MOTION PICTURE OF THE YEAR

The Hurt Locker (point: William)

The Hurt Locker came away with the biggest award of the evening.

BEST ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE

Jeff Bridges (point: William & Julia)

Jeff Bridges won Best Actor.

BEST ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

Christoph Waltz (point: William & Julia)

BEST ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE

Sandra Bullock (point: William & Julia)

BEST ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

Mo’Nique (point: William & Julia)

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM

Up (point: Julia)

Up: Best Animated Feature.

BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN ART DIRECTION

Avatar (point: Julia)

Avatar swept Art Direction, Visual Effects, and Cinematography.

BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN CINEMATOGRAPHY

Avatar (point: Julia)

BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN FILM EDITING

The Hurt Locker (point: Julia)

BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN COSTUME DESIGN

The Young Victoria (point: Julia)

The Young Victoria was victorious in the Costume category.

BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN DIRECTING

Kathryn Bigelow (point: William & Julia)

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE

The Cove (point: William & Julia)

The Cove won Best Documentary Feature.

BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT

Music By Prudence (point: Julia, but only by luck)

BEST SHORT FILM, ANIMATED

Logorama (point: no one)

Logorama won Best Animated Short.

BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN FILM EDITING

The Hurt Locker (point: Julia)

BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN ART DIRECTION

Avatar (point: Julia)

BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN CINEMATOGRAPHY

Avatar (point: Julia)

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM

The Secret in Their Eyes (El Secreto de Sus Ojos) (point: no one)

The Secret in Their Eyes is Best Foreign Language Film.

BEST SHORT FILM (Live action)

The New Tenants (point: no one)

BEST MAKEUP

Star Trek (point: William & Julia)

BEST MUSIC (Original score)

Up (point: William)

BEST MUSIC (Original song)

“The Weary Kind” from Crazy Heart (point: William & Julia)

BEST SOUND MIXING

The Hurt Locker (point: Julia)

BEST SOUND EDITING

The Hurt Locker (point: Julia)

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS

Avatar (point: William & Julia)

BEST WRITING (Adapted Screenplay)

Precious (point: Julia)

BEST WRITING (Original Screenplay)

The Hurt Locker (point: Julia)

If you’ve made it this far, revel in Charlize Theron’s dress:

Charlize Theron gets groped by fabric.

See the list of winners at Oscar.com.

See the fashion, bad and good, at Jezebel or GoFugYourself.

All photos copyright their original owners.

Julia Rhodes

Julia Rhodes graduated from Indiana University with a degree in Communication and Culture. She’s always been passionate about movies and media, and is particularly fond of horror and feminist film theory, but has a soft spot for teen romances and black comedies. She also loves animals and vegetarian cooking; who says horror geeks aren’t compassionate and gentle? Bank Routing Numbers