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Lies, LIES! Never Trust Nothing, Especially A “Last” Sequel


Lies, LIES! Never Trust Nothing, Especially A “Last” Sequel

After going to the trouble of naming the fourth installment of the series THE Final Destination, the good folks at New Line Cinema and Zide/Perry Productions have decided that they cannot part with their fatalistic techno-geist kill parade after all. Then again, if they can still quadruple a $40 million dollar budget at the box office, and that with a ludicrous 3D anthology of tangential ideas one might get from watching a Saw sequel, it would be an idealistic sucker indeed who could resist the lure of easy blood money.

In any case, you guessed it. The trailer for Final Destination 5 is alive and healthy and storming across the internet.

Speaking of Saw, this new Destination is looking more like its fatter and more demented cousin than ever. Perhaps Twisted Pictures and Zide/Perry are planning a big twist this Halloween in which Jigsaw turns out (in some way) to be the force behind both franchises. Like Marvel’s Avengers thing. Or Alien vs. Predator. Or whatever you like.

The Final Destination 3D - Poster

The joke is on all of us who saw this and thought, “Yep. Last Chance Motel.”

It seems the classic movie trilogy is dead. Not even Scream could stay buried after three chapters, metatextually appropriate as that would be. On the other hand, Scream is rather brilliantly built on the notion of satirizing what it perpetrates – for example, a late-stage sequel produced to hook the same old reliable fan base and make more money.

Whatever. It is by no means a new phenomenon, but we seem to be in the midst of an epidemic. Pirates Of The Caribbean is going for it once again, even though Johnny Depp and Geoffrey Rush seem to be the only original parties still interested. On the other hand, everybody seems excited about it, much as they were for Fast Five. So we shall see. The good news is that the bar for this kind of practice is exceedingly low, thanks to travesties like Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull.

Shrek Forever After - Poster

I’m not just warning Jigsaw. I’ve got my eye on you, too. And Austin Powers. Big time.

All the same, the latest outbreak of unanticipated sequels does bear troubling implications. For one thing, we may never be safe from more Saw movies, assured as we were that last year’s 3D was a wrap-up and farewell forever. Final Destination 5 is a curt reminder that nothing is forever, no matter how “final” it may seem. And of course, the lower one sinks on the horror franchise scale, the higher the risk that prequels will step in the minute that sequels give up the ghost.

It is a scary world out there. And nowadays it’s scary in 3D. To avoid fainting, keep repeating…

“… it’s barely a movie…”

“… it’s barely a movie…”

Dan Fields is a graduate of Northwestern University with a degree in Film. He has written for the California Literary Review since 2010. He is also co-founder and animator for Fields Point Pictures, and the frontman of Houston-based folk band Polecat Rodeo. Google+, Twitter

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