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You Can Quote Us: SyFy’s Sharktopus Trailer!

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You Can Quote Us: SyFy’s Sharktopus Trailer!

SyFy’s Sharktopus trailer has everything: Surf music, government conspiracies, a sharktopus, but it doesn’t have any hyperbolic quotes from illustrious film critics. It’s The California Literary Review to the rescue as we shower free quotable praise on a movie none of us have even seen!

This weekend marks the most anticipated release of the year. No, not Inception! We’re talking about the official trailer for Sharktopus, a film about an unusually smart Sharktopus that is “Destined to be the greatest film of this or any year.” – William Bibbiani, The California Literary Review.

At least, that’s what the Sharktopus trailer would say if it had any quotes from illustrious film critics. And really, that’s all this otherwise perfect trailer needs. It already has surfing music, Eric Roberts, and Sharktopuses (on land, no less… what will they think of next?), so we here at The California Literary Review, in an effort to not just critique films but actually improve them, have decided to provide some glowing recommendations of Sharktopus – sight unseen, mind you – that the SyFy Channel can put on the trailers, posters and DVD and Blu-Ray covers, completely free of charge.

Now get that deep, scratchy trailer guy’s voice clearly in your head and enjoy Julia Rhodes and William Bibbiani’s completely biased opinions of a movie we’ve never even watched!

Movie Still: Sharktopus

“Half shark, half octopus, all bloody ridiculous!” – Julia Rhodes, The California Literary Review

“Eight arms to hold you… and three rows of teeth to kiss you!” – Dan Fields, The California Literary Review

“At last, a Sharktopus movie that takes the original source material seriously!” – William Bibbiani, The California Literary Review

“Bouncy bikini babes in beach bedlam! Sharktopus will get your motor revving!” – Julia Rhodes, The California Literary Review

“Tentacular!” – Dan Fields, The California Literary Review

“Not since Dinoshark has one film so thoroughly examined man’s inhumanity to man via sharkmonster.” – William Bibbiani, The California Literary Review

Movie Still: Sharktopus

“Tentacles + Teeth + Totally Low-Budget Effects = Sharktopus! – Julia Rhodes, The California Literary Review

“You’re gonna need a bigger imagination!” – Dan Fields, The California Literary Review

“Eric Roberts hasn’t been this good since Witless Protection! – William Bibbiani, The California Literary Review

“You can shoot it, track it, harpoon it… but you can’t escape it: Sharktopus!– Julia Rhodes, The California Literary Review

Movie Still: Sharktopus

“A taut Neo-Benchleyan Shocker!” – Dan Fields, The California Literary Review

Sharktopus is more than a movie. Proper application of Sharktopus can also cure athlete’s foot, the gout, restless leg syndrome and the sting of the mighty jellyfish!” – William Bibbiani, The California Literary Review

“What do you call a terrifying creature that’s half-shark and half-octopus? Totally awesome.– Julia Rhodes, The California Literary Review

“More babes than Octopussy! More spearguns than Thunderball! – Dan Fields, The California Literary Review

“Move over, Roots… Here comes Sharktopus! – William Bibbiani, The California Literary Review

Sharktopus airs on the SyFy Channel this September 25th at 9pm.

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William Bibbiani is a highly opinionated film, TV and videogame critic living in Los Angeles, California. In addition to his work at the "California Literary Review" William also contributes articles and criticism to "Geekscape" and "Ranker" and has won multiple awards for co-hosting the weekly Geekscape podcast and for his series of Safe-For-Work satirical pornographic film critiques, "Geekscape After Dark." He also writes screenplays and, when coerced with sweet, sweet nothings, occasionally acts in such internet series as "Bus Pirates" and "Heads Up with Nar Williams." A graduate of the UCLA School of Film, Television and Digital Media, William sometimes regrets not pursuing a career in what he refers to as "lawyering" so that he could afford luxuries like food and shoes. William can be found on both the Xbox Live and Playstation Network as GuyGardner2814, and on Twitter as - surprisingly - WilliamBibbiani. Google+

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