California Literary Review

The Rachel Zoe Project Recap: ‘Godzilla Rachel!’ (Season 5, Episode 6)


April 12th, 2013 at 11:12 am

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The Rachel Zoe Project

Rachel, may I have a lock of your hair to put under my pillow and make wishes on?
Photo by: Chris Frawley/Bravo, © NBC Universal, Inc.

Previously on the Rachel Zoe project: Put on your shoes and jack-it. And a coat is worth a thousand words, two of which are “Lunchy, Lunch.” There, now we are all caught up!

The episode opens with RZ showing Rodg and her intern, Co, some new duds she picked up for their son Sky Mall (who’s velcro booties are worth more on the black market than my unfertilized eggs). FYI – I’m pretty sure she hired Co because his name sounds like an entourage is with you. As in, “Mr. Gucci, Rachel Zoe and Co are here to see you.” So, Rodg of course is not pleased with the mad cheese that RZ is dropping on clothes that will only fit Skyrim for a few months. RZ lovingly turns the tables by reminding Rodg that he is also “growing out of his clothes.” But, even with a few extra lbs, Rodg is still the hottest Phish fan in fashion.

Then we hit the road with RZ and her Smithers, Mandana Dayani, as they discuss the new billboard for Jockey that features Zoe. Because nothing says affordable, casually comfortable, athletic underwear like Rachel Zoe! Way to pick ’em Jockey! Mandana takes a few instagrams of RZ in front of her billboard and grows frustrated when RZ denies she is “Maj.” RZ, the first step to curing Maj is admitting you are Maj. And RZ brings up, once again, that she wants to be a New Yorky.

Meanwhile, Rodg goes to Yankee Candle with his assistant to discuss how it isn’t the expense or the instability that is keeping him from wanting to be bi-coastal, it is only because he is a whiny little b-atch who wants all of his stuff in one place. Rodg, there aren’t enough Yankee Candles in the world to help you girl.

Next we are off to the headquarters where RZ receives a note from Obama telling her she has great arms. No no, he was just thanking her for her support and help with charitable junk. MAJ! RZ plans a photo shoot for Elle that is all about RZ’s style (what a stretch) while Rodg is on a golf date with his other white friend whining like a little b-atch again. Snap out of it Rodg!

RZ and Rodg have a poolside chat about the gigantic Jockey billboard and she explains that she’s insecure about getting attention (as we watch season 5, episode 6 of her self-titled reality show). Rodg tells her she’s purty and Sky Walker Ranch shows up for a dose of cuteness.

Then there is a bunch of flipping out over clothes for the Elle shoot. Zzzzzz. Joe Zee from Elle shows up to kiss RZ’s ass like she is the prom queen. Play it cool Joe Zee, she will let you sit at her lunch table with the popular girls. The photo shoot continues in a montage of models in completely unrealistic looks for the everyday women. Zee convinces Zoe to be in the shoot. The lady doth protest too much. Everyone agrees she is MAJ!

The Pink Ladies (RZ’s employees/disciples) play dress up back at the office and then it’s off for a night on the town. Champagne riches and black blazer dreams. RZ and Rodg go back and forth about NYC AGAIN! Can’t he just admit he is p-whipped and give in and spare us all this ‘will they/won’t they.’

Finally we are off to a Jockey shoot. A gaggle of fashion zombies kiss RZ’s bang’s asses and poor Joe Zee wasn’t even there to get participation credit. RZ has to read a few lines off a teleprompter to pimp Jockey, but has trouble getting the words out because she would not be caught dead in Jokey. Um, I mean doesn’t like the spotlight.

So, will they or won’t they get a place in NYC or just talk about it for the rest of eternity? Will Rodg ever find the perfect candle for his office? Will Rachel touch a pair of Jockey’s with a ten foot pole? Will the names of these people keep getting weirder? Tune in next week to find out.

The Rachel Zoe Project

I’ve got a MAJ fashion boner right now.
Photo by: Chris Frawley/Bravo, © NBC Universal, Inc.

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